Shepherd's Bush, W12

Although this lavatory is no longer in use it gained notoriety in the 1960s as the place where Wilfred Brambell, star of the sitcom Steptoe and Son, was arrested for soliciting gay sex; having recognized Brambell the undercover officer read him his rights then concluded the arrest with the programme’s most famous catchphrase, which was, fittingly, ‘You dirty old man!’

Whilst Brambell was used to having the phrase shouted at him by the public he felt that its use in this context (this being several years before homosexuality was decriminalized) was somewhat inappropriate, but did not say anything in the hope that it would be a one off occurrence. Much to Brambell’s chagrin, however, the phrase went on to be repeated by almost everyone he encountered during the judicial process and his resentment of the programme from which it came became intense. When the judge summed up by saying, ‘I sentence you to be fined twenty pounds… You dirty old man!’ it was the last straw for Brambell; although he continued to work on the programme for several years his bitterness was irreversible and TV historians have cited Brambell's experience as the event that began the decline of one of Britain's most popular sitcoms.

Primrose Hill, NW1

Originally Published in Time Out London June 18-24 2009

Primrose Hill earned its place in literary history when HG Wells used it as the location of the Martians' headquarters in his novel the War of the Worlds, which he was inspired to write after seeing a series of images taken using primitive telescopes in the late 19th century that seemed to show canals running across the surface of Mars.

     Wells set about writing a novel in which Martians travel to earth having rendered their own planet uninhabitable due to an ill-conceived system of open-air sewers but his publishers argued that this was a less than gripping subject for a novel and urged him to rewrite it so that the Martians' motivation was evil galactic domination rather than to get sanitation tips and advice on how to build toilets. Wells reluctantly agreed but retained two things from his original draft. He kept the ending, in which the aliens are on the verge of world domination only to be killed off by a mysterious disease, as a chilling warning of the dangers of poor hygiene, and he kept the setting of Primrose Hill as he reasoned that aliens escaping poor sewerage would want to base themselves near to some excellent public toilets. 

Crystal Palace, SE19

The Crystal Palace was originally constructed in Hyde Park for the Great Exhibition of 1851 and afterwards was disassembled and rebuilt in South East London but during this process the architect, Sir Joseph Paxton, realised that he had neglected to include adequate toilet facilities in the original design so set about rectifying this. However, when the building reopened in 1854, in a ceremony attended by Queen Victoria, the flaw in the new design became apparent: like the rest of the building, the public lavatory was made out of glass and as such offered its users very little by way of privacy. The problems this presented were immediately demonstrated when the local mayor was caught short during the opening and had to use the toilet, meaning his attempts to pass a stool were watched by a crowd of several hundred including the Queen, who was not amused.

When the Crystal Palace burnt down in 1936 there was a persistent rumour that it was an act of arson committed by someone tired of the appallingly designed toilets; if that is true then their actions were rewarded, as this facility, significantly more private than the original, was subsequently built and has been enjoyed by visitors ever since.

Putney Embankment, SW15

Originally Published in Time Out London, June 4-10 2009

Now sadly closed and falling into disrepair, the public convenience in Putney gained its place in infamy when the murderer John Christie (of 10 Rillington Place) was apprehended there in 1953 whilst on the run from the police. It was a week since the warrant for Christie’s arrest had been issued and whilst crime historians disagree over why he went to Putney the commonly accepted explanation is that he was caught short whilst on the tube so alighted there to look for a toilet. However, being the subject of a police manhunt had made Christie nervous and agitated, and in his confusion he followed the signs to the ladies’ toilet, a mistake that was to cost him dearly. Realising that the gents’ was ten minutes in the other direction, Christie broke into a run, which aroused suspicion amongst passers by on the high street, one of whom recognised him and called the police.

     Christie did find the toilet but it cost him vital minutes: as he left the cubicle he was arrested before he could even wash his hands and although he was allowed to wash them once he got to the police station it was only a minor consolation as he was tried, found guilty and hanged at Pentonville later that year.