Westminster, SW1P

The public toilets in Westminster were the cause of endless concern to Prime Minister Herbert Asquith as his premiership coincided with a rise in suffragette activity, and having thrown a brick through a window or hurled an egg at a policeman the protestors would seek sanctuary in the lavatories, knowing that as the male police force would not want to break protocol by entering a ladies’ toilet they were virtually immune from arrest. At the outbreak of the First World War Asquith successfully petitioned Parliament to temporarily close the toilets for this reason.

In the 1970s, however, it was decided that a statue of Asquith should be erected to commemorate him but after it had been up for several weeks a passer by enquired as to why the former Prime Minister had a shaggy haircut and appeared to have his pants around his ankles; closer inspection revealed that rather than depicting Herbert Asquith it was actually a statue of soft-porn star Robin Askwith, and that the sculptor commissioned to create the piece had got confused and mistakenly commemorated the actor who was at the time starring in the latest instalment of his popular film series, Confessions of a Toilet Attendant.

Camden Town, NW1

These toilets owe their existence to no less a figure than George Bernard Shaw, who served on the local council during a time of mass expansion in public toilet provision, and who stood up against the apparently philanthropic scheme’s greatest drawback: Queen Victoria, having refused to sign legislation making lesbianism illegal (on the grounds that she refused to accept such immoral behaviour could possibly exist), also refused to believe that women went to the lavatory, as her priveleged lifestyle meant she had a servant who went to the toilet for her so, assuming that the same was true of all women, only passed into law the statutes providing public toilets for men.

    Shaw, a committed socialist, was appalled that the Queen was so out of touch with her subjects so set about campaigning for women’s toilets; along with arranging petitions he wrote Mrs Warren’s Profession, a play that is today famous for dealing with the subject of prostitution but in its original production was about the social stigma that came with being a toilet cleaner and, as a result of the campaign, Queen Victoria reluctantly passed the relevant laws and this toilet was opened by Shaw in 1898 amidst much fanfare.